When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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