Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
