i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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