it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
