so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
