At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
