who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
