i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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