Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
