This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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