I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
