i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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