You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
