wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
