Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
