Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
