It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
