Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
