i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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