I want to stick my p in your. b.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
