im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
