i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
