if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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