Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
