I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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