Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
