I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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