I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
