Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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