Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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