Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
