I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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