I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
