Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
