Tell her she can't have a vagina
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
