Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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