I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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