I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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