If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
