what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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