I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
