he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
