I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
