So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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