i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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