Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
