I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
