UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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