I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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