:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
