i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
