69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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