All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
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