my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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