I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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