I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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