i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
