i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The adults are the big ones right?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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