I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
