I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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