love makes seman taste better
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
