It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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