He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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