So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
