I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
