Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
