I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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