This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
