I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
