What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
