false alarm. still invincible.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
