Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
