hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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