Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
