You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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