It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You are a genius and a whore.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
