Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Can Purell be used as lube?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im holly from the hills drunk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
