I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
