i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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