Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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