She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize