Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sarcasm needs its own font
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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