i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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