I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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