i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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