I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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