In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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