There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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