Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
