Me too!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
