I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
