wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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