Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Found the puke drawer
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
