I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
