Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
