In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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